My 12 Month 1 year old.

Wowzers. I can't believe that in only a couple of days, my little baby will be an entire year old. That seems like such a huge milestone! In the grand scheme of things, it's not really a big deal. In the land of motherhood, it's huge! So much has changed since Story was once a tiny newborn, unable to see beyond 10 inches of black and white in front of her face and unable to accomplish the smallest of tasks.

Now here she is...a stunning, thriving 1 year old little girl that I can't imagine any other way.

This month, Story has been perfecting a lot of things...and while she really hasn't changed that much from month 11 to month 12... I feel like she's completely different somehow...as if she's really growing up on me.

Her development continues to amaze me.

1.) She got her first terrible and awesome haircut this past month. It is cute and makes her look older somehow.

2.) She can identify nose, eyes, hair and mouth by pointing when asked. (Next goal: head and shoulder, knees and toes. :-)

3.)She seems very interested in colors and numbers lately. I've been doing lots of counting and identifying with her. She listens so eagerly to everything I say.

4.) Loves to stick out her tongue in hopes that someone will stick out theirs. She then tries to grab it as fast as she can move. It's terribly cute. Probably not very sanitary. (The point is...she's very curious!)

5.)Can identify Mama, Story and Papa when asked.

6.) Has been blowing kisses for a long time now, but now makes the accompanying smacking noises! Mwah!

7.) She learned how to take her first steps alone this month, although she is not FULLY walking alone. Some days she works very hard at this...other days, it's as though she gives up completely. For now, she prefers to crawl.

8.) She still eats mushy foods, but mostly prefers chunky foods and most importantly, things that she can make a mess with! I finally decided to let her go at mealtime. After all, she's learning! And I don't mind to vacuum.

9.) Her car seat is now forward facing. Trust me...I tried to wait. But her little legs were squished into my backseat and she was very uncomfortable. So Story now stares into the open road when riding. She loves this new way and no longer screams when I'm buckling her into the seat.

10.) She is now an official soy milk drinker. We tried whole milk a few times last month and it was giving her diarrhea. She's having no problems with soy milk, so we intend to continue using it until she does better with the whole milk. In addition to this, she's only having 1 bottle per day. (at bedtime) The rest of the time, she is drinking from her sippy cup like a big girl. She doesn't have formula anymore at all.

11.) She still sucks her thumb, but it is slowly starting to disappear. She now only sucks when she's tired or shy. I fear I will miss this trait of hers.

12.) She attempts to sing by opening her mouth and letting out a nice AHHHHH. Jacob plucked a G chord on the guitar and she hit it dead on! (I'm not kidding here! Can we say prodigy?!)

13.) She added two new words to her vocabulary this month. Bay (short for baby) and bod(short for bottle) This means that Story can say 8 words in total.

14.) She cut 3 more teeth this month bringing her total teeth to 10! She really likes to use those teeth. She chews her food like a pro!

15.) She still prefers her Mama and Papa over anyone else in the world. To show that she cares, she pays special attention to Papa before he leaves for work. (It's like she knows...) And she always makes sure to spend extra cuddle time with me on school days when I've been away too long.

16.) She's comfortably wearing size 4 diapers and is already starting to grow out of her 12 month wardrobe. She is mostly wearing 12-18 month sized clothing. If only her arm length would catch up...

17.) She was getting a bad habit of smacking people in the face (although she was doing it lovingly, I promise) After a few NO's and a few moments of ignoring her habit, it went away! Yay!

18.) Night terrors began this month...which has been devastating. She will wake up crying and when I rush to her room, I will find her crying in her sleep, but sitting up in the crib. It usually takes a long time to calm her down before she will finally fall back to sleep. Poor baby.

19.) Her favorite things still consists of climbing onto everything. She still loves her stuffed animals. She loves to be held and cuddled and kisses. She loves to have her hair brushed. And she discovered a cabinet this month that we have cleaned out especially for her. She stays forever entertained!

20.) She is learning to like shoes, although we are still working on this. Maybe it will become a priority this Summer.....

Peace and Love.

Nearly 1

Story loves to stand close to the window and stare out into the great unknown. It's so funny to think back on those days when I was also very young and would do the same.

Childhood was such a brilliant time of my life. I remember thinking that I never wanted to "grow up" and I always wanted to be a child at heart.. I just didn't want to let it go. Of course, it was many years later when I realized that I could have both adulthood and childhood.

My imagination still runs wild. My senses are still heightened (sometimes) and my love is still the same. Of course, I get some silly looks from other adults when I'm giggling like crazy at something foolish or letting go of other inhibitions that aren't accepted easily... but that's just the price I pay.

So as Story begins her toddler years this week, I want to keep in mind that there is always something new and exciting to learn for myself and for her sake, I will let her be a child for as long as she needs. There's no need to rush growing up and there's truly nothing better than being a child. Always and forever.

Peace and Love.

Welcome.

Baby Bella has made her arrival!

Mama was hard at labor for 24 long hours with 1.5 hours of unsuccessful pushing. At one point before it began, Ashlee said, "I just feel like I'm getting myself into something I can't do." Even with many words of encouragement from loved ones, Baby Bella was stubbornly stuck in the canal and finally delivered via c-section. Mama done a wonderful job and was very strong. And Ashlee was right, for reasons eventually discovered, Bella couldn't pass through the canal and she just wasn't able to deliver vaginally.

Isn't it funny how Mama's just know?

Peace and Love and Happy Birthday Bella!! Can't wait to spend many days with you and Story. <3

Still Losing

This week has been a good week.

I've added toning exercises to my workout routine and have still been going to the gym 3 times every week. On the days that I can't make it to the gym, I still make sure that I get 30 minutes of cardio (even if it means running in place) and still make sure that I do some muscle toning (even if it means pilates DVD's) But I'd much rather be at the gym...sweating with the best of them.

On school days, I eat much less than I should, but 10 hour days literally leave me worn out and I rarely have time to eat. On my off days, I definitely make up for it and probably eat more than I should. It's a nice...unhealthy balance. Woohoo!

Regardless, I am feeling really good and am doing the best that I can do.

This week, I'm certain that my biggest improvement has been adding more water to my diet. It keeps me feeling refreshed and amazingly, the more I drink, the more I want it. It's an improvement, for sure.

While I don't plan on recording every single step of this weight loss process, I still want to keep myself motivated and in doing so, I will post my progress here. It's important to me to be able to be happy with myself without becoming obsessed. This way, I can mold myself into becoming a healthier individual overall. So far, I'm doing well.

Weight Lost:

1.) 185 lbs.

2.) 181 lbs.

4 pounds down, 16 pounds to lose before goal is met!

Peace and Love.

Park (Adventure 2)

The last time we went to the park here in town was the first time Story had ever been to the park. At only 5 months old, Story was much too small to truly enjoy herself. She did love observing all of the children running around, but it was mostly a boring trip for her as we just held her in the swings.

THIS time however, Story was actually able to play. She enjoyed so many things. The wind was cold but she didn't mind at all. She just wanted to get down and GO. Of course, we weren't brave enough to let her GO, which resulted in a few temper tantrums.

No different than her last trip to the park, Story was in awe when she met a little girl by the

name of Cee Cee. Story's expression was adorable...again, longing for the days that she can run and play along with others. No worries, little Story...it will not be very long for sure!

In a sequence of pictures, here was her adventure:

First, we played on the baby swings... weeeee!

Next we played on the big red swings... weeeee!

Next was the bouncy horse....yeehaw!

And then there was the slides...they were too much fun!

We pretended to drive....start your engines!

We climbed high high high on a gigantic gym.

We attempted a family photo....boringggg!

Mama made me cry because she wouldn't let me down. :-(

And then she cheered me back up again when we found this awesome tunnel-majig.

And then I met a little girl. She was fantastic.

But I was too little to play... :-(

I'm not ready to go home just yet, but a nap will be nice... :-)

Peace and Love!

day after letter

So I woke up this morning feeling rather refreshed. (just as I assumed.)

I remembered that I had this awesome new haircut. So here it is, for all of you dying to see. :-) It's much easier to take care of and I definitely like the shaggy short layers.

Today, Story and I played dress up for hours! She loves to put on hats and has lately taken quite an interest in these furry boas. How did she ever live without them?!

And I can't forget to mention how brave she has been lately! She's been taking steps alone for the past couple of weeks now, but lately, she has really picked it up a notch. She can stand alone for a few minutes now before lowering herself to the ground. And she no longer needs assistance with standing up. She can stand straight back up from the ground with nothing around her. She's still slightly imbalanced, but if she keeps this up, walking alone will be very soon!

Peace and Love.

a much needed letter

Dear Story,

I'm home from a very long day. It started at 4:50 am when I woke to that dreaded alarm. I got out of bed, got dressed, downed a cup of coffee, had a small breakfast and was on my foggy journey to Saint Joseph Hospital. I arrived at the hospital fully charged and ready to take on my day.

My patient was calm and easy today. It was only my 2nd day at SJH and I was trying to care for him while starting my assignment and still trying to learn the whereabouts of the floor. I was thankful that he made it so easy for me. I was thankful for the nurses who were way to kind and the aides for being even more so.

Taking the interstate back to campus, I barely had time to grab a snack that I could scarcely call lunch and dragging back into the front door this evening at 5:00 pm was definitely needed.

I made you dinner, thanked your Papaw for babysitting and then crammed down some dinner for myself.

Your Papa come home for lunch and had enough time to kiss us on the forehead and then out the door, he went.

And then the crying began. You cried because you were tired. You cried because you were teething. You cried because you had a belly ache. (Was it the whole milk I gave you? Maybe I should text Papa and see what he fed you today....maybe something isn't settling just right.) You cried because I sat you down. You cried because I looked at you the wrong way. You just cried. You even cried during bath time.

You fell asleep easily tonight. I'm certain you were just tired...but the truth is, I'm not really sure why you were crying and it's nights like these that I feel so down.

I'm exhausted....and I wonder if you are feeding off of my stress. I wonder why I couldn't read you tonight like usual. Am I spending too much time away?

I'm just confused. I'm lost. I feel like I'm failing you and while I know that it's silly to feel that way, there are times that I just can't help it.

I sit here, running through all of these thoughts...wondering if I am doing something wrong....and then becoming angry because I know that this isn't the kind of parent I thought I would be. I don't WANT to worry. I don't WANT to become work-obsessed. I don't WANT to be angry.

And I'm not...95% of the time (75% when the school is as hectic as it is now...) But there are still these days. And I'm trying. I really am.

I just feel disconnected from you today and I hate it. It feels like we are on two different pages. Like you are trying to reach out to me to tell me what you need and I just can't comprehend it.

And I know. I KNOW that tomorrow, I will wake up and it will be a brand new day and you will be smiling and happy and full of life, but it's just nights like tonight that exhaust me...that confuse me and hurt me and make me feel selfish and....tired.

I am sure there are many reasons that contribute to your crying nights, but I am holding on by a thread tonight and hoping with everything in me that you aren't just missing me. The thought nearly make me sick, and being a stay at home Mama just isn't possible for us as a family.

One day, you will understand. One day.

I love you to the moon.

-Mama